Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
