rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
