so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can you bring me the toilet please
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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