If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
