have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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