I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
