It's Friday. Sex?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize