it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
