i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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