Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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