You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
