Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
