Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
