No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
