The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
