I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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