Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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