Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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