Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
