he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
