please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
