can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
