i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
