Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
