I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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