Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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