She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
