Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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