Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
