in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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