watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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