Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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