I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
