Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
