So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
