My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I could teleport
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
