I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
