So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
