I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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