I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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