I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
