I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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