Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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