yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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