Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
