I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
