I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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