i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
