she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
