So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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