She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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