you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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