All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
