This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
