Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
