"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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