too bad you live with your parents still
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
