I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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