so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
