the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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