and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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