...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
