***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
