Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
