Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
