well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
