I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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