I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
