My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
