Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
